Last night my wife and I were talking to a very good friend who is in the process of separating from his wife, though, of course, we hope that difficulties can be resolved.
There are two teenage children involved and he was concerned as to how they were responding to what was going on around them. Outwardly they seemed to be doing well at school and, generally, doing okay.
That reminded me of a time a few years ago when I was running a boarding house and a teenager's parents got divorced. The boy's dad wrote to me to say that Jim (not his real name) was fine, understood everything and would be okay.
Dad, of course, had not seen Jim at school. He did not see how this youngster, who had been giving his first year of high school his best shot, achieving in all sorts of areas, had totally withdrawn into himself and was definitely not achieving his potential. I wrote to dad to tell him this, as I don't think he had any idea about the mixed emotions a vulnerable teenager will experience when parents separate, divorce etc.
Jim was fortunate in that he got through this painful experience with the encouragement and support of his teachers, sports coaches etc. and ended up achieving a great deal at school and, I would guess, in later life as well. How fortunate he was to have empathetic adults supporting him, watching him, encouraging and affirming him, as well as guiding him during those very difficult months.
We often forget that these teenagers are moody, say things they don't mean, sometimes express their anger with the wrong antisocial behaviour, are often confused and are so desperate for adult friendship, encouragement and support, sometimes just wanting someone older and wiser to listen as they process their experiences, not offering any advice at all.
Then, again, Jim's mum also needed plenty of reassurance and support in different ways, while his dad was like so many of us men (!), never expressing any emotions or feelings, probably thinking it would be a sign of weakness if he did so.
There are two teenage children involved and he was concerned as to how they were responding to what was going on around them. Outwardly they seemed to be doing well at school and, generally, doing okay.
That reminded me of a time a few years ago when I was running a boarding house and a teenager's parents got divorced. The boy's dad wrote to me to say that Jim (not his real name) was fine, understood everything and would be okay.
Dad, of course, had not seen Jim at school. He did not see how this youngster, who had been giving his first year of high school his best shot, achieving in all sorts of areas, had totally withdrawn into himself and was definitely not achieving his potential. I wrote to dad to tell him this, as I don't think he had any idea about the mixed emotions a vulnerable teenager will experience when parents separate, divorce etc.
Jim was fortunate in that he got through this painful experience with the encouragement and support of his teachers, sports coaches etc. and ended up achieving a great deal at school and, I would guess, in later life as well. How fortunate he was to have empathetic adults supporting him, watching him, encouraging and affirming him, as well as guiding him during those very difficult months.
We often forget that these teenagers are moody, say things they don't mean, sometimes express their anger with the wrong antisocial behaviour, are often confused and are so desperate for adult friendship, encouragement and support, sometimes just wanting someone older and wiser to listen as they process their experiences, not offering any advice at all.
Then, again, Jim's mum also needed plenty of reassurance and support in different ways, while his dad was like so many of us men (!), never expressing any emotions or feelings, probably thinking it would be a sign of weakness if he did so.
1 comments:
It's a very good blog regarding separation of two people & what it's effects' on teenage child. Thanks for sharing this nice blog...
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