3. Don't teenagers have any responsibilities?

Perhaps there are parents wondering whether they have a right to expect anything from their teenagers, especially in view of what I wrote in my last Blog?

Well, the purpose of sharing those thoughts was to specifically focus on how we, as parents, can be more effective.

I have found over the years that many parents blame the school for their child’s poor behaviour, while teachers blame the parents. And, of course, while home is expected to be where the standards are set, reality is that this is not always the case, which means that the school should insist on certain standards being set, agree on them and impose them – easier said than done, for sure.

It achieves little to play the ‘blaming’ game, though I suspect those in teaching sometimes need to be reminded that some of the students sitting in front of them are so lacking role models in their lives, that school is where they feel safe and secure.

I think it’s a good thing to negotiate boundaries with teenage students we teach. I certainly used to do it, not in a draconian way, but putting across the view that my role was to encourage each and every one of them to do their best in my subject. But to do that, they had to take some responsibility, be accountable and also respectful.

There are the three key words:

Teenagers need to take responsibility for their actions. They need to appreciate that they are of an age, no matter what their personal circumstances, when they are going to make choices. There is no use blaming their home life, their friends, their teachers etc. if they make a poor choice. Learning to stand on their own two feet, make wise choices and show a sense of responsibility will bear good fruit.

Teenagers need to be accountable for their actions. I don’t know how many times I had a recalcitrant student in my office during my Principal days who would say that she or he had not thought of the consequences of their poor choices. Some learnt the hard way, which would have included lengthy suspensions, possibly even an expulsion. Better to learn at a young age in the safety and security of school, than in the harsh, real world, where the consequences could be considerably worse.

I should add that we had a Code of Conduct in the school, which was discussed at the beginning of the year between teachers and students. Students tended to be a lot harder on themselves than the teachers were with regard for a suitable punishment to fit a crime. The Code of Conduct was discussed by members of the Parent, Teacher, Student Association and then it was finalised and circulated to all parents.

There are different views about suspension. Mine was always that if the punishment fitted the crime, it was okay to suspend a student from school. The parents were called in and the matter discussed with them. Ultimately it was the responsibility of the parents to ensure that their son or daughter was learning from the punishment meted out. The student needed to learn that he or she was attending school, a community, and there were certain rules and regulations in place to make this a safe and secure community for all.

Teenagers always want others to respect them, though often fail to show the same respect to these people. This is something we need to discuss with our children, our students etc. No-one has the right to violate another’s basic rights, something young people can do all too easily, often without thinking.

From an early age we taught our children that they had duties to perform at home, from making their beds each day before they went to school, having to eat breakfast before leaving for school, washing up their breakfast dishes etc., hovering and cleaning their bedrooms at least once a week and sharing the duties washing up after a meal. These are some of the examples and there were consequences if they were not carried out.

Withdrawal of privileges was the most effective punishment I ever meted out as a parent, but, perhaps, that’s another Blog.....