2. 7 Habits for highly effective parents of teenagers

Our two children are now in their 20s. I have spent the past 35 years working with teenagers as a teacher, sports coach, School Principal and mentor and I am still learning!!

Thinking back over these years, what follows are seven guaranteed-to-have-some-success qualities and tips to enjoy an effective and meaningful relationship with teenagers.

All these tips and ideas are built on the foundation stone of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The key word there is unconditional, for, when our teenagers make the inevitable mistakes etc., when we can assure them of our unconditional love for them at all times, we will enjoy respectful and caring relationships with them.

PATIENCE – teenagers are journeying through adolescence to adulthood and they are likely to make mistakes, annoy us, have their typical moods, be surly, irritable and so much more. We need the patience to hang in there through these times, remembering that the storm will pass and the sun will rise again. Sometimes they will test us. We need to be firm and fair at all times, consistent in our dealings with them.

AFFIRMING – put another way, look to ‘catch them doing good’ and affirm them. As long as we are being sincere and genuine, that smile, pat on the back, quick hug, text message or short phrase that let’s them know they have done well and we are proud of them, could be a life-changing moment.

ROLE-MODEL – we have to walk the talk to the best of our ability. Children always look to their parents before anyone else when they are making decisions about life, careers etc. When we actively live out the values and morals we want our teenagers to live by, there is a greater chance of effective parenting occurring.

EMPATHY – teenagers want us to show that we have some understanding of what they are experiencing. We would be liars if we said, “I know exactly what you are going through", but not if we said, “I think I have some understanding of what you are going through." They need to be reassured by our stories of life as a teenager as well. Most young people will relate to stories.

NEGOTIATE – “Because I said so …” does not tend to wash with a teenager. While it might be time-consuming, teaching and coaching, by example, our teenagers how to negotiate, reach a compromise, not always have their own way, learn to think of others etc., we will be allowing them to become self-empowered with many tremendous life skills. Negotiate all the boundaries and, as they get older, relax these. Negotiate times they are allowed out, duties to do in the home (ease up a little when they have exams, as this shows empathy), computer use, TV watching time etc.

TRUST – we have to show our teenagers that we trust them at all times. If that trust is ever betrayed, we then sit down with them and negotiate a way forward, not making it impossible for them to earn our trust again.


SACRIFICE – journeying with teenagers requires sacrifice of our time and energy, but it’s all worth it in the long run. It’s only a few years out of our lives, but it’s sowing future parenting seeds within our children, so we are creating a fine parenting legacy.

7 habits we can develop to become effective and unconditionally loving PARENTS.

There are many more qualities we could add like, enthusiasm, loyalty, responsibility, consistency etc. etc. etc., but what is important is that we build some key foundation stones so that we can be absolutely sure we know what the shape of love in our home looks and feels like.